Is Collaborative Divorce for You?

Divorce Alternatives

Collaborative Divorce is not for everyone. Other options to consider include:

  • Do-it-Yourself Divorce – If you and your spouse or partner have already agreed on property distributions, child custody issues and all other matters, you may choose not to use an attorney. For details on fees and requirements for filing for divorce, contact the State of New Mexico Second Judicial District Court, Domestic Relations Division or the Pro Se Division at:

    (505) 841-8151 Or
    (505) 841-6702 Or visit them at
    the Bernalillo County Courthouse at 400 Lomas Blvd. NW, Room 277 (2nd floor),
    Albuquerque, NM 87102.
    On the Web:     www.nmcourts.com

  • Court Divorce - A court divorce process may be better if you and your spouse or partner cannot agree on the details of your divorce or if one or the other spouse is not willing to participate in a collaborative process. Typically you would contact a divorce or family law attorney to determine if their services meet your needs and budget. If you file, the other party will be served with divorce papers. Eventually, your case may be sent to court, with your attorney representing you. A judge would make final legal determinations. Also see www.nmcourts.com.

  • Mediation – This is another alternative dispute resolution method, similar to collaborative divorce, but lawyers are not typically involved and there is no agreement not to go to court. A mediator is a neutral third party who helps to negotiate an agreement between you and your spouse. A mediator can acknowledge both emotional and practical concerns. If an agreement is reached, the mediator or lawyers may write up the agreement. It is recommended that only lawyer-mediators write up the agreement. Mediators usually have backgrounds as attorneys or mental health professionals. Mediation is not recommended if you feel you cannot negotiate with the same strengths as your spouse or if there is no trust that all relevant information will be shared.

Steps in the Collaborative Process

  1. Initial decisions: If you are experiencing marital difficulties, there are many decisions to make. Collaborative professionals are trained to help individuals or couples evaluate their options in a confidential, honest process. Consult with a lawyer or mental health professional for help with these initial decisions.

  2. Beginning the Process: If you decide to proceed with a divorce or separation, collaborative professionals work with you to plan our process from start to finish.

  3. Negotiation: Collaborative professionals will train you in communication and help you break through impasses. If you experience barriers to resolving issues, our professionals can help with financial, parenting, support and other issues.

  4. Agreements: Collaborative professionals are committed to helping couples make real agreements that both parties can live with and are beneficial to all family members, including children. Marital Settlement Agreements and Parenting Plans are written and filed with the Court in this step, although, nobody appears in Court – not even the lawyers.

  5. After the divorce: Most families need guidance in implementing and managing their divorce agreements as time goes on. Collaborative professionals can help you adjust to your new family structure and help resolve difficulties you experience over time.